新建

by 小葵 on 2012/08/21

 

很确信虾米机房的服务器需要散热了,听了几首歌都断断续续,虾米的主机房都在杭州,由此你可以推测杭州有多热。

你不知道我知道。我出门亲测了的。

 

我请假了,身心俱疲。早上10点起床,起身去某饭店,服务员用ipad点单,一杯拿铁,开始聊起了第三方。

来回的路上,汗水照旧从背部开始侵袭。

 

我承认我很傻,开启了ip上的导航,计步器。开始测试步行到离家最近的如家酒店。

早餐是甘其食,支撑到中午。回到家,冰箱还剩半个黑皮西瓜,用勺子一口一口舀起吃,渴死了好吗。

昨天深夜编织的手链还散落在书桌。一帮没良心的人都要手链。

于是我开始了最原始的作坊式手工劳作,在一盏黑色的led灯下。

 

打开豆瓣,就记起了昨晚的梦,神奇的是昨晚梦见一本书《小狗钱钱》,今早就在豆瓣首页,好呼应。

依稀记得昨晚梦里某个男生饱读诗书,引章据点,好佩服。现在想想,梦是我编织的,男猪脚是虚拟的,他的才华是我的。

 

从前我不相信星座,现在我偶尔看下女巫店。

也许真的太缺少力量了。

今天偶然看到天秤座本周是小红花。里面说要勇敢,再勇敢。

 

我不想写爸爸的病。不忍去面对生活给我的残忍部分。

在奶奶胆结石手术后,在外婆重感冒后。

妹妹偶尔会给我短信,说姐姐,怎么样,怎么办,怎么好。

她说9月2号开学,可能没时间照顾爸爸。奶奶住院是她一个人守着,其他亲戚都没时间。某一刻会心疼小丫头。

 

两周住院的反复,医生的恐怖言论,保险公司拒绝理赔。

今早10点转院,明天下午抵达。后续还不知道怎么样。

每天接到家人的病情电话,我心都在颤。每次不好的消息后,我心都发凉。

 

习惯了隐藏心事,习惯了一个人承担。

不知道自己的韧劲能撑多久,不知道什么时候自己会崩溃。

我能维护好我的外面,但是内心的维护,很难。

 

人总是要有点希望的,就像大师兄说的,只要有一线希望就绝不放弃。

也做好了最坏的打算,等着匹配的眼膜,然后换。

我爱爸爸,希望上天不要伤害他。

 

昨天又不知道怎么走回家的,像游魂一样,一片空白,心和身体累到不想说话。还是坚持把没完成的事情完成。

比如找师傅修空调,缴水电气房租,想想还有什么要买的,然后写入evernote的最近事项。

 

上周某人特意回来看我,希望和失望并存吧,他ip也丢了。真的傻到悲催。

纯情的傻子。

 

明天某人要过来了,去年的一个小承诺今年实现了。没办法杜撰那是怎样一个场景,虽然幻想了很多次。

真实和虚拟准备交汇在一起。

生活需要很多这样的moment。

 

在这之前把几乎把购物清单都一一打上了勾。

 

今年夏天,我要学会游泳。我要努力挣钱。

我希望父母亲人都平安健康。我希望朋友同学少年们都好。

 

学不会的技能,是完全的坚强和独立。

学会了隐藏和逃避。

 

很多都学不会,很多学会了。

 

很多很多,还有很多很多等着我去面对。

 

亲爱的,不要哭,不要怕,不要悔。

 

新建自己

 

need some change

 

 

..

 

.

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    我觉得亲人安好都好了~至于自己嘛,只要还没死就还好了~
    2012年8月26日3:38:51 我的睡觉了~

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