人格分裂的姑娘

by 小葵 on 2012/04/24

 

姑娘我最近心里有点发凉,某一刹那厕所凄美的弧线。

想起最近生活的苦闷部分,我都挖了深坑掩埋又掩埋。

想起一些无法改变的事实,心里一头草泥马呼啸而过。

 

最近总会想起生活中一些路过的微小人物。

别人看来很小的事情,我觉得温暖而治愈。

 

比如打扫厕所的重庆阿姨,她说姑娘你看上去好小,你在这里守着,我去帮你充水。

比如一个偏僻的水果店,卖菠萝,认真为我削菠萝的男孩,他说硬币掉了我来捡吧。

 

忘了从去年还是前年开始,我开启了我的双重生活之旅。

我有两个自己,一个用来抵抗外界,一个用来反省自己。

 

两台电脑。两部手机。两张信用卡。

两个钱包。两幅耳机。两个微博号。

两个邮箱。两个微信。两个企鹅号。

 

好像已经比较完美了是么,但是还是缺了什么。绝不是男人。

我会一直追寻缺的是什么,这也是我继续生活的目的之一吧。

 

还是觉得这个世界对女人有点点苛刻了。

你必须温柔体贴漂亮,时而清纯时而荡。

你必须洗衣做饭拖地,无奈还要去洗碗。

你必须工作好,沟通应酬什么都没问题。

还要在28岁(郗哥说26岁)前嫁出去。

 

朝九晚五,不敢迟到。

周末睡觉,不想出门。

等公车等到头上长草。

在雨天撑伞走在路上。

 

我只能每天中午在公司吃着难吃的饭菜,不能请假,生病了就去药店随便买点药。

支付宝提示要缴费水电了,手机短信提示信用卡要还款了,公交卡又改充月卡了。

 

我养的植物一株一株死掉,不是缺水而是溺水而亡。

失眠,连续很久的一个情况,这样下去我也会死的。

窗户偶尔的阳光漏进,我还是可以怀抱点美好期望。

 

 

是吗?这就是我想要的生活吗?

 

 

通过一个老友更新了很多老友的生活状态。

衍生出一大串的感慨,我游离在外太久了。

 

刘小麻说我是个不怎么聪明的女人,要改。

大师兄他说他从不怀疑我在他心中的位置。

华子让我还他清白。珍爱生命,远离小葵。

 

到最后,我什么都没有。

 

我总记得这句歌词。

 

呵呵,也许吧。

 

 

..

 

 

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