我遇见的都是奇葩,失去的都是人生。

by 小葵 on 2011/12/19

在必须发现我们终将一无所有前
至少你可以说
我懂 活着的最寂寞
我拥有的都是侥幸啊
我失去的 都是人生
当你不遗忘也不想曾经
我爱你

——张悬《关于我爱你》

要写一篇文,需要焦虑的累积,还有本人的心情。目前我的心境其实是不适合写文的。有紧绷感。来源于,一是夜深了,我怕一码字就停不下来,忽而就夜深到可以天亮了。二是我在思考明天到底去不去上班,应该要去的,但是这是我的假期,为毛要去。陷入囚徒困境。

要写的太多了,于是就不写了。

 

很应景的,耳机里是五月天的仓颉。如果我没记错,几千年前,仓颉造字。喜欢一些带历史感的东西,思维战线可以拉很宽。凌晨我的脑细胞总是很活跃,让我想起了宫崎骏的电影,色彩缤纷的各种梦幻场景,魔法,抗争,少女少男之间温暖的小爱情。

 

一层一层的,很多,应该怎样收拢。

 

从什么时候开始,内心的安宁无法被平复。本该睡懒觉的周末,清晨总会意识突然模糊地清醒,以为该上班了,起床了。做了好多梦,把好多现实都揉进梦里,然后在醒来的中午被依稀的记起。

 

前些天我还单纯的误判,以为我的紧张来自没有整理的生活用品,和资料。后来我把家整理了,资料整齐了,还是无法缓解,像是一种什么慢性疾病,综合型的。后来我知道了,我心乱了,没有整理,拖延症,恐惧症,理想主义,未行动。

 

还是没办法战胜,还有愈演愈烈的趋势。从我每天更新微博的频率就能推出我深层次的焦躁指数。我说该把外汇的书看了,心里是答应了自己的。于是睡了一上午,看动画一下午。我说该把资料都整理到本子上了,心里又答应。之后依旧把时间荒废。

 

还有生活,一个字,拖。不想说。

 

我常常觉着自己没有规划。有了规划也不会实行。实行了也不一定有效率。各种被干扰。我做事情应该是一个凌乱的树状图,一个分支跳N个分支。

 

深知自己性格的缺陷,却无力扳回。死循环么不是。

 

转头一看我的题目,发现我写偏题了,其实我是想写我遇到的人和事的。我还是写一点吧,不然我下次可能不会再写了。从前我写过这样一个规律句,可以续写下去。五月。七月。九月。十一月。此处省略很多很多字,加密压缩在记忆里。

 

是的,我的爱情我的迷恋只能活在我的想象中。为神马?

 

都是奇葩。

 

十一月目前还是我的阴影,很想知道是否还活在地球村,如果活着,但请劳烦你告诉我一声,你走了,道一声再见。OK,然后我不理你,你不理我,世界很合理。但是就是戛然而止,莫名其妙。

 

我失去的都是。。。

 

靠,忍不住,哭了。

 

 

 

 

..

 

 

.

 

 

There are 33 comments in this article:

  1. 01/5/2012an9 says:

    要写的太多了,于是就不写了。
    =============
    汗,我的都是微博.

  2. 01/7/2012长绵羊的翅膀 says:

    我感觉只有在消极时,内心才最清醒、敏感和渴望表达。

  3. 02/12/2012杨淑芬 says:

    发现你好喜欢删日志。

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