亲爱的,我再也不乱穿马路了。

by 小葵 on 2011/02/4

偶然的我找到了初三那年的自己。带一点可爱。从一篇自己写的文章里,叫《蓝,我错了》。

模模糊糊记得的是,那一年在那个城市那花哨的路上。一切都不属于我,我径直进入那个藏着我初恋记忆的书店。书店给我的感觉总是好的。无论它是否在商业街上,记得当年我们总是约定在那个书店会面。书店里的构造既不合理,很逼仄。呆久了很闷。

那一次去书店和其他每次去都一样,站着看书。但是我记得我看了一篇文章《亲爱的,我再也不乱穿马路了》。脑子里的状况好似《夏洛的网》里面飞天小飞天蜘蛛破壳向天空飘去那样,让人感动,飞舞。

 

我说的是思绪,那天,四年前,就写了一篇以女主人公为第一口吻的一片姊妹篇。

 

《 蓝,我错了。》

蓝,我错了,我应该对你说再见。

 

和蓝分手时在午后的咖啡厅。蓝快乐得很平静。点了一杯牛奶咖啡,我神秘而顽皮地笑了笑。说,蓝,等着我。接着我走出了那扇精致的玻璃门。咖啡余热已尽。但,我再也没有回到蓝的跟前。这是我最后一次对蓝这么残酷。

 

那后,我们就分开,迅速的。我曾是他眼中的精灵。我都来不及哭,五年共建的感情城堡,没有了公主,倒塌了。朋友们都怨我太傻太没道理,蓝那么优秀的男生,怎舍得离他而去。他体贴,细致入微。他有才华,球场掠影。领奖台上挥舞双手,他爱笑。说:小丫头,让我一辈子照顾你。。。

 

我也只是笑笑,涩涩地。泛起那些和蓝的光阴往事,如梦、似雾,我快飘起来了。

 

和蓝分手一个小时后,蓝手机响起来了,是《欠你的幸福》。他冲出了那道同样的玻璃门,留下一阵抽搐的风。那是我们共同爱的歌。

 

和蓝分手七个小时后,蓝一个人来到了那间“QUITE ”的咖啡屋,他看着对面的空座位,抚了抚上面的温度。摇摇头,毫无温度。蓝以习惯的坐姿,静静的,蓝在等我。厅里渐暗,几处微弱的小彩灯,蓝没有怎么动。似乎一动,那些小光亮处就会隐退下去,消失不见。蓝是彻底失去我了。

 

和蓝分手两天后,蓝突兀地出现他曾经不曾去过的地方。酒吧。其实他更喜欢咖啡一点,喝了很多酒。很热很热,汗湿衬衣。如果身体会哭泣,那么酒后的汗液便是男人的泪水。蓝很快就喝醉了,忘记了回家。谁劝都无济于事,我就坐在酒吧的角落,我没有选择上前去劝他。

 

和蓝分手后的十五天了。蓝去纹身了,对于家教甚好的蓝。这是一件多么惊世骇俗的事。朋友们心酸,这是意料之外还是情理之中。纹的我的名字,在他的脊背。那个我曾经常从背后环抱的地方。

 

和蓝分手两个月后,蓝的父母从国外回来。蓝生活渐入正规。他乖多了,依旧是那个懂事礼貌的蓝。不过眼神里还是暗藏着一丝阴郁。

 

和蓝分手六个月后,在校园里一次节目表演上,蓝吉他弹唱《咖啡屋遗失的爱》。他自己创作的,那一天,是我的生日。没有任何人为我庆祝,散场后。蓝回到寝室,搬出一个储物盒。里面都是和我有关的东西,看一次,心就抽搐一次。或许我对他真的太残酷。那天下午他再一次进入”QUITE”,坐了不知多少个小时。像是在等谁,等我吧。或许,但是我是真的回不去了。

 

和蓝分手一年后,出现了一个开朗而恬美的菁,他们相识了。都那么优秀,在校园里很多人羡煞这一对男才女貌的情侣。毕业,两个人同时去了蓝的父亲的企业。

 

快4年了,蓝已经接受了菁。她们一起重复一部分我们的曾经:看海。笑。逛街。散步。喝果汁.。是从未去那年的咖啡屋。喝那样让人心陷入绝望回忆的咖啡。这几年,我在角落里看到了她们旅程的每一步。

 

菁能让蓝快乐,我想。我微笑。

 

和蓝分手五年后,蓝要结婚了。和菁,请了好多朋友亲人同学。惟独没有邀请我,蓝是记得我的,我想。他把暗自写给我的那份请柬烧成了灰烬,红色带蓝色的火焰将往事映照得透亮。这是怎样的一个世界,蓝最爱的人离开她了,几欲带走了他的灵魂。

 

那个夜晚,蓝在一旁写请柬的时候,写到第七十七张时,眼睫眨了一下,一滴清泪滴落。浸在钢笔字迹上,那上面写的是我的名字。我就在蓝的身边,蓝并没有看见我,记忆回到了5年前那个午后的咖啡厅。蓝的生日,我笑着对蓝说:蓝,我出去一下。他满怀期待。我说过我马上就回来的,但是我食言了。

 

蓝,我错了。我不该那么急切,都没有看到红灯。不该忽略那辆疾驰而过的跑车。血泊中,散落一块克里斯汀蛋糕。我看到你颤粟的身影,抱起我。我一句话也说不出来。蓝,原谅我离开你。好吗?我为你飘荡这个孤单城市五年了。

 

蓝,原谅我。在爱的尽头,在时间的尽头。我该离开了。

 

我走得很轻盈。你看不清。

 

蓝,我错了。

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