互相折磨,乐此不疲。

by 小葵 on 2011/03/1

如果我不爱你 我就不会思念你

我就不会妒忌你身边的异性

我也不会失去自信心和斗志我更不会痛苦

如果我能够不爱你 那该多好

–张小娴

九月的第一天,我起了个大早。将一把椅子放在阳台外面,望着静谧柔和的下沙天空,淡彩色的云彩里嵌了很多灰暗,像清淡的油画。面朝西湖,背对钱塘江。想起在公交车上看到一个广告牌上:“半城书声半城湖,千里之江千里诗。”七楼阳台,呼吸着自由的空气,这是一个人住的第3天。我是准备爬起来写日记的。回到电脑前敲打着熟悉的键盘。

不一会儿居然下起了细细的雾雾的雨,第一次发现下雨这么美,觉得这是一个极佳的爱情电影场景,恋人应该在在雨中撑伞相依。这本该是个适合校园恋爱的季节啊。可是我错过了。好期待新的生活。期待我们回到从前那些美好快乐的时光。一起散步,牵手,吃饭,游玩,嬉笑,关爱,逛街,拥抱。来到杭州,远离熟悉的人和物,好似一切烦恼都超脱物外,只管呼吸,其他什么都不管都可以。依旧能记得,前两个月我失望,疯狂,涣散,纠结,乱猜,吵闹。打电话发短信强迫症。害怕听你不接我几百个电话的滴滴声,害怕每次给你发N条长短信的落空心情。

 

被一份原本坚固而美好的感情磋磨得不像样子,现在我都怀疑自己得了轻微神经衰弱。“通过自己折磨自己来释放自己”总是想象自己遇到天灾人祸后的惨样,敏感,没有安全感,经常不由自主的恐惧,对你的依赖增强。越来越害怕打雷闪电,狗吠,昆虫,打针,电源。

 

整个暑假我原本满心期待,却遭遇感情波折,我晓得自己的缺点和弱点,很多。但,这是我的性格,一个本色的我,钉子碰多了,我还是会慢慢改。很多时候说了太多气话,做事冲动,只为发泄郁闷,不管他心里感受,其实他还是一心为我好的。有时候生气了,我就假想如果我是一个男人,我都会受不了自己的。只是我整天无理取闹吧。即使我挨打,也是我自己讨的。我是不是有点儿自欺欺人了?然后又怎样,我已经被他洗脑成功,现在已经只能这样。

 

在他发脾气的时候我应该忍着,双方争执的时候应该有一个人弱下来,而不是就地理论,争执不下,最后谁都不服输,搞得两败俱伤。不然每次还是我灰溜溜的去道歉。还伤了感情,这样太不划算了。换个角度看爱情,不是变淡,而是阶段从“时刻腻在一起”上升到“为事业为现实”。重心开始发生转变。我们不再是学生思想,不再是小朋友,不再是父母庇护下的小花朵,而是应该上升到为父母,为事业,为理想。他成熟了。

 

怪不得他总是说我还是个小女孩的思想,犟,为小事生气,善变,不成熟,小姐脾气,不独立,依赖性太强,胆小。只想腻在爱里不出来,啥都不管。他说他把我宠得不像样子。可,我只是对你一个人幼稚,依赖,不成熟,很多时候是想你多来哄哄我。我不是小孩子脾气,不是不成熟,不是那样的,我只是想你来多关心关心我。希望你像以前那么迁就我,我会自觉变好的。不会越来越娇纵蛮横。

 

最近去网上看了很多关于爱情的帖子,我觉得需要这些东西来增强自己的爱情免疫力。很多都写到关于两个人谈了1到2年恋爱后,因为互相太了解对方了,慢慢褪去恋爱甜蜜期的激情和耐心。女人就开始乱想了纠结了无理取闹了。最后男的受不了狂轰滥炸,当男人的耐心被榨干,女人身心俱疲,一份感情就折腾得无疾而终。“女人爱瞎想,纯属是闲的。 男人不爱讲,完全是忙的。”

 

反倒是那些神经大条开朗向上的女人最后幸福得咧嘴笑,而那些敏感好强有点儿小文学情怀的女子最后错失爱情。“寻寻觅觅,冷冷清清,凄凄惨惨戚戚。”人在感情中是理性,对女人实施减分制。女人在感情中是感性,对男人实施加分制。他靠行动爱着,我就是体会不到~。体会到了还是心有失落感,男人怎么不懂女人心呐。

 

男人的体贴是用行动表现出来的。可是有时候女人要的就是嘴里的温柔。不晓得什么时候脑子里蹦出来的““我住钱塘江畔,君住大渡河岸,日日思君不见君,共用移动电信。”他说:除了我,除了你自己,父母亲人外,不要相信任何人。只有我是真心为你。

 

有些人注定是等待别人的,有些人是注定被人等的。不能见面的时候,他们互相思念。可是一旦能够见面,一旦再走在一起,他们又会互相折磨。 ·如果我不爱你,我就不会思念你,我就不会妒忌你身边的异性,我也不会失去自信心和斗志,我更不会痛苦。如果我能够不爱你,那该多好。——张小娴

 

 

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